Life's a Garden.....

A wise man, Joe Dirt, once said “Life’s a garden, dig it.” Each day, even with the pain that I am in, is a gift. I just wish that I could get some others to realize that. Ya, you say that you do, but I question some people’s true commitment to the concept.

I had a conversation the other day with a co-worker about taking each day as a gift. He got it, heck he helped me to realize it after reading an old email just after the accident. He had come to understand the concept after his son was taken far too soon from our world. We both talked about how important the notion really is. Sunday, I talked to another friend on the phone that is having some medical issues. He’s been battling cancer for eight years now. It’s been a back and forth ordeal the whole time, and just when he thinks he is out of the woods it pulls him back in. I remember when I first met him I was so impressed with his kindness and zest for life. Nothing seemed to get under this guy’s skin, but I didn’t totally understand why. When I learned about his background, all of the pieces fell into place. I realized that what he had been though had caused him to understand that each day is a gift. Even though I understood why he had the attitude that he did, I was still not fully able to appreciate it until January 13^th.

Perhaps it will take an event like we have been through, but I would hope that you would just take our word for it, but I know that is being naïve. I guess though, that even if just one of the people that I can influence truly understands this, beyond just saying that they do, it will be a difference.

Just do me a favor, stop and ask yourself if you really get the idea. Then ask yourself what you have done to prove it lately. And if you have to ask how you prove it, you really don’t get it.

Word up... Damn I sound...ah nevermind

I wrote this on Monday night but got involved in 24 and never got to post it.

Wow, yesterday was the two month anniversary of the accident, and I didn’t even think of it. Actually, I thought yesterday was the 11^th which would make today the 12^th. Things have gotten much easier over the past two months. Heck, I was laying in a hospital bed drugged out of my mind two months ago today, remember Chris? I couldn’t even carry on a consistent conversation. But I also remember that two months and two days ago that I was walking around just fine with a Mustang on order and tickets to Germany waiting at the airport. But, God had a different course for me, my family, and six others, two of whom aren’t even with us anymore. People ask me if I’m mad, to an extent, yes I am. I don’t think that I will ever be less angry at the person who did this or the situation itself. There is the chance that I will never get to chase my kids around the yard. That affects not just me but my daughter Allison and any future children that we have. And that, my friends, makes me even angrier. Being angry though isn’t going to get me through this and isn’t going to make it any better, quite the contrary actually. I was telling Stacey the other day though that I really wish that I could just get a day off. I know it’s not realistic, but just a day without the pain, the 10 pound cast on my ankle, the wheelchair when we go to the mall, or the crutches. Heck you people should see the preparation that goes into taking a shower. I wouldn’t let you all see all of the preparation, unless I turned this into a pay site, but you get the idea.

So people have been asking me where I go from here. I should be off the heavy pain killer by March 17^th. I have a doctor’s appointment on April 3^rd to get x-rays of the broken areas and maybe remove the pins in my big toe and fit me for a boot. I’m not sure if it’s true or not, but a boot may allow me to put weight on the foot. I will return to work on April the 5^th. I won’t be able to drive, but I’ll be getting rides to and from work. Then in early May I should come out of the boot and be a little more “normal.” From there who the heck knows, probably a lot of physical therapy and hopefully a lot more of the way that things used to be.

Manic Depression is a Frustrating Mess!!!*

Well folks, things are moving along quite well, now at least. Last week, after my doctor’s appointment we started weaning me off of one of my pain meds, per my doctor’s instructions. I have also been using a med for “break through” pain, i.e. short term quick release medicine that is used to get me through ‘til my next long term dose. While at that appointment the doctor’s nurse practitioner said that I needed to stop using the break through ASAP. I read that as, stop using the drug now. So I did. I went from using 10 pills a day on Monday to 2 on Tuesday. That’s 1/5^th the dosage in 1 day for those of you keeping score at home. Having never dealt with pain meds before I had no idea what I had just done. By Tuesday night the effects had started. Nothing physical or that ever had me in any sort of danger, but I became an emotional mess. In my adult life I can probably count the times that I have cried on one hand, but for the next three days I would probably meet or double that number. And none of these were for any good reason. I was also extremely depressed, a feeling that I have never really had before. That’s not to say that I have never been bummed out, but this was far different. I was depressed, but had no reason why. To those of you who have suffered with depression before I have a new respect for what you have been through. I felt so low, but nothing that I did would make me feel any better. What’s worse is that I would keep thinking about it, which would only drive me down further. By Friday though I was finally beginning to pull out of it. I made my first non-medical related trip out of the house, to Kohl’s (YEE-HAW) and Kurt and Chris brought us dinner. All of these things kept me moving so that I didn’t have time to sit and think about being depressed. Plus I think by Friday I was starting to feel better anyway.

Luckily for me this was quick. I really feel for people who deal with these types of this on a day to day basis. Mine was caused by medicine and simply needed to work its way out. For those people who are naturally depressed and need medicine just to reach a normal level my heart goes out to you.

* Jimi Hendrix, ah man, I really shouldn’t have to tell you ya know!!!

One small step for man.....

WARNING: If you are easily offended go read Disney.com

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Today I took a big step, well more like a shuffle, toward becoming a normal member of society. I poo’d in a toilet!!!! That is right ladies and gentlemen I made a grumpy in a real working toilet!! For those of you who do not know, I have been unable to make my way into the bathroom since the accident. The hospital wrote us a prescription at the beginning for a portable toilet that had to be brought to the living room and setup for me. This created a few challenges for us. First, I had to sit bare assed in the middle of the living room while doing my business. We have a lot of windows in our living room, which has a clear line of site to our front door. Our front door has a lot of glass too, it’s frosted, but you never know what people can see! Secondly, it had to be cleaned and since I can’t walk, that job was left to Stacey. You can imagine that it was not a pleasant job. I really felt guilty that she was forced to do that, but neither of us had a choice in the matter. So, today during my physical therapy appointment we worked on getting me into the bathroom on my own. And after the therapist left, I was ready for the big time. I’m not going to go into details, but everything was successful and I was able to get back out and to my chair. HOORAY!!!