The Breaking Point

I’m not a physically imposing person but I don’t consider myself a physically weak person either (but a few trips to the gym wouldn’t hurt either). Mentally, I would consider myself pretty stable and strong. I mean I don’t cry at the end of a Michael Bolton song (although I did when I left his greatest hits CD in the Ranger, DAMN IT), but who could resist at the end of E.T.? Well after my last, dear Lord I hope, surgery Friday I found my mental and physical breaking point. My surgery actually occurred on Wednesday morning, but it wasn’t until Friday that I hit the wall. On Friday the Dr. returned to remove the sponge that is used to drain the wound and help it heal more cleanly and quickly. I had the same thing during my second surgery, and while it hurt like nothing I had experienced before, the worst was yet to come. The Dr. started by cutting and unwrapping the stuffing and gauze near the toes and pulling apart some harder stuff that went from the bottom of the cast to the top. I didn’t watch much of what happened from here on out because the pain started to really set in. It set in slowly, but once it was there it was there to stay. I know there was tape that was used to secure the sponge. Tape was even used on the incision itself. The tape went between my toes and all over my foot. And for those who do not know me well or see me often, God was very generous with the hair, except on the back of my scalp. Now keep in mind that it was just two weeks ago that my heal was operated on, so the entire area was already pissed off from that. Every centimeter of tape felt like a mile as it was removed. And every rip and cut sent me kicking and jumping. At one point my knee (on the good leg) hit the swivel TV that I had over my bed. During this time though, the Dr.’s gave me more and more pain meds. I was already on a morphine pump that I was able to call on every 10 minutes. They brought in a Dr. who specialized in pain. She opened up the morphine for a longer period, and that didn’t work. Then they got me some sort of lollipop that I was told to suck on. Still, hell on earth as he pealed and pulled the tape away. Finally, I saw them injecting something else into the line for pain and I bounced around in pain and made up curse words because I had simply run out. Then it happened, it was at that point where I had been emotionally used up and physically beaten. The gates simply opened up as my mental strength was gone. I can’t describe the feeling in words and I hope that none of you ever find it for yourselves. Shortly after hitting this point the Dr. finished up and rewrapped my bandage. The pain specialist said that the street value of pain meds that I had running through my veins that day could have bought me a pretty nice car. All in all, with breaks, It probably went on for an hour. But it was the longest hour of my life!